Honesty with Life and feelings

First off, I apologize for the heavy nature of this note.

I checked my Facebook yesterday to find I had a niece and a wife of a nephew concerned about me, and wanting to know how I was doing. The interesting thing is, both of these women are wives of active duty service members, one who's husband is currently deployed in a state in Southwest Asia. What is very ironic, is that both these women, who only know me me through my brother or sister, are able to reach out to me over the miles, to love me and my family, despite their own circumstances. I love you both!

Anyway, yes, I've been a bit on the depressed side. 2 Sundays ago, I stayed in bed to get some extra sleep rather than go to church. My energy level and strength has been at an all time low. My left hand is quite swollen, as nerves continue to die. I finally took off my wedding ring 2 days ago before my ring finger swelled too much to remove it. My wife Debbie now wears my wedding ring and hers. I had some fleeting thoughts and words about using the Physician aided suicide law a couple of days ago also. Debbie quickly cut in and rebuked me thinking that way.

Before you judge me as complaining, please know that David, Job and Jeremiah have plenty of examples in the Bible. These men were honest with their feelings. In David's case, he always followed up complaining sessions with praise. I hope I can come to that place with my own emotions soon.

I witnessed my daughter Lydia's ceremony celebrating 3 years of hard work at her middle school yesterday afternoon. I was so proud of her standing up on stage giving a short speech. It was obvious that her delivery of the speech was done very conscientiously. Some thoughts briefly entered my mind during the day "Will I be alive to see her graduate High School in 4 years?"

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I want to leave this message on an upbeat note. Our church has opened an account at Wells Fargo bank, in my name, Barry Mangan. Funds from this donation account will go toward home accessibility, home repairs such as a roof replacement, and medical treatments not covered by VA or Medicare. Any amount can be given at any Wells Fargo, and is very appreciated. Part of my depression is a natural result of my role as breadwinner being removed, and unfortunately I'm depending on my larger "family" for help now.

Also, the VA will be compensating me at 80% to start, which is good news. This will supplement my Social Security, and be able to meet our current mortgage and bills without further raids on my depleted IRA account.

So, in the end, I do praise God for His provision, and love. That He would bring me a glad heart continuously, and you as well. Thanks for reading :-)